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 a couples threesome unicorn, hire an escort for a threesome,  somatic sex educator who also loves to entertain fetish, roleplay, couples threesome unicorn fantasies. She is a busty, petite, brunette bookish sex geek with a wicked sense of humor, goddess of pleasure and commander of foot worship in her red stilettos, cute as a button and even comes equipped with a some fancy east coast art college degrees, knows how to get her groove on and get fun-kay on the dance floor. Ms de Vive is available for travel to San Francisco, Portland, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, NYC. Boston, DC, as well as internationally to London, Dubai, Sydney, Seville, Tokyo, Hong Kong.

Joy to The Word

Feb 16 2016 Everything you wanted to know about being an Escort (but were afraid to Ask)Category: Diary of a San Francisco Courtesan     12:26PM   0

I was recently interviewed by journalist for a well-known print and online publication, and here's some Q&A we volleyed. "The Girlfriend Experience" article will be online in May and I'll post a link to it on my Twitter page. 


RICK: How did you get into this career? Was it, like, testing waters for a bit before doing it full-time? (I'm a freelancer myself, so, I'm looking for similarities in terms of how one "builds" a career a little at a time.)


I joke to my friends, I think it all started in 6th grade when I was obsessed with Donna Summer's hit song, "Bad Girls." I would stare at the record cover which featured a scantily clad Donna posing as a streetwalker, leaning against a pole with a cop looking at her annoyed and aroused at the same time. I played it over and over on my little record player and fantasized what it was like to be a "bad" woman and the power they seemed to have over men. That gets filed away in my subconscious and flash forward to my 30s: The seed that sparked my quest was when I was in a sexless relationship with my then-fiancee. I was shut down sexually; I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted in bed and how to be touched. I was ashamed of my body and at the same time I couldn't imagine having sex with one person, no matter how much I loved them, for the next 50 years of my life without cheating on them. I left and moved to the Bay Area as it felt like the place where tech evolution and sexual revolution sparked, and I needed to find answers. It started with experimenting in the Casual Encounters section on Craigslist, going to sex parties, and then evolved into workshops on tantra and love and intimacy. I became a certified sex educator as I want to be the change in our "sex negative" culture, one client at a time. Most of my clients are married in sexless relationships, but I'm starting to see more couples. It gives me hope that loving, honest and sexually fulfilled marriages are possible. I have another life in an established career that was wounded in the perfect storm. The recession hit hard as the digital age was rising, and my business dropped dramatically from the bar being lowered (I'm nodding at you, journalists and media folks.) Sex work came out curiosity as well the need for income resulting from my professional career becoming a hobby in terms of making a living from it. I still enjoy my straight "vanilla" work except Joy is now funding it, and now I can just have fun in my creative life without worrying that I'm not turning a profit from it. 


RICK: What kinds of precautions do you take to weed out the potentially off-putting clients? Has it never not worked out right and you had to call off the date early? 


Most women I know screen in some form before they meet. They ask for two references from other "providers" they've recently seen or have them show proof of employment to verify who they are. The funny thing about screening, I've noticed the more high-profile or famous that person is, the more more open they are right off the bat. One time I was convinced a guy spoofed a company email address pretending to be a well-known CEO. I didn't believe who he said he was until we spoke on the phone. When he called I nearly fell off my chair when I spoke to him, but I remained composed and we hit it off well. There's a few web services that do pre-screening as well as private blacklists of people to avoid. Sometimes it can feel like pulling teeth to get information as there's a fear and distrust among potential clients with their personal information out there. If they can't trust me, how can I trust them when we're in an intimate setting if I don't know who I'm with or what behavior to expect for them? After I do the initial online screening, the most important thing for me is having a brief call. Hearing someone's voice for a just a minute tells me so much more about who they are than emailing back and forth and also puts us both at ease before we meet in person. Luckily I've never had a date I had to call off early, but I have heeded many red flags in the screening process and decided against seeing them. Roughly 10% of the initial inquiries turn into actual dates as there’s a lot of harmless but annoying "time wasters" out there.


RICK: Is there a particular type of client you have? And how many regulars? Again, from a freelancer's point of view, how important are the "steady gigs"?


Since I see such a small select group, I think my clients are truly awesome and many have blossomed into friendships. I have a few "regulars" who see me every anywhere from once every few weeks to every few months. A notable was a quadriplegic man in his 20's who enjoyed seeing me dressed up in business attire and we would role play a sexy job interview to see if I had the skills to be his caretaker. It was kind of heartbreaking as the only touch he would normally receive were from his nurses and physical therapists. He couldn't even masturbate if he wanted to, so the fantasy was his way of relieving his sexual frustration. Most of my clients are men between 45-60 years old, married for 20 years with children, highly educated, wealthy, top of their game in their field of work. The common thread I see over and over is they really miss intimacy, not just the sex they once had with their spouse. They love sharing stories with me, laughing over wine and dinner as much as they like a good roll between the sheets. Sure, they're hungry for sex as they've been starved for years. But feeling intimately connected, seen and heard is just as important to them. 


RICK: You've been working in a very particular area (the Bay) during a very particular moment (an insane tech explosion/bubble?). And you're presumably having intimate conversations with people working in that field. Are there any broad insights you can gleam from your unique perch? 


I think the Bay Area has it's share of guys in tech who are under so much pressure to grow their companies, sometimes cutting the workforce, bring in funding from VCs and feeling exhilarated and exhausted from the pressure. I'm seen as a trusted confidante, so they get to unload all their work complaints, secrets and frustrations. Since they're in control all day, when they're behind closed doors they want someone else to take the reins for while and just feel wanted and adored. I joke that I'm a really working as naked therapist without the PhD (but all of the stigma.)


RICK: This is a pretty broad question, but what do you believe is the biggest misconception that people have about the "girlfriend experience" business?


The term "Girlfriend Experience" (GFE) is defined from the Urban Dictionary as "a real relationship, not just sex." Other online sources say a GFE escort offers kissing, affection and may give blow jobs without using a condom. I see my services as the Courtesan Sensual Experience, like a gourmet feast for the mind, body and soul. I learn about their likes and dislikes, what makes them tick and do my homework so we can socially engage on our date. It's also important for me to feel a connection in some way or I'm just going through the motions and I'll feel drained quickly. "Civilians" (people who aren't sex workers) ask me how it is I can be sexual with people who aren't considered culturally attractive, and I think the workshops I did on love and sex broke me open on a heart level and called me to do this work. Sometimes I feel like Jack Black's character in the movie Shallow Hal when he's hypnotized to only see the inner beauty in people, and through his eyes falls madly in love with skinny (therefore attractive) Gwyneth Paltrow who is actually a 300 pound, morbidly obese woman. His friends all wince when he introduces her to them, but he doesn't give a shit what they think. That’s kind go how I see my work these days. I’m learning to give less of a shit what others think and trust in myself much more. I think the broadest misconception of sex workers is we are not human. We're all just a bunch of scared helpless girls being pimped and trafficked, sent in cages to the Super Bowl and forced to service hundreds of evil men a day or face a beating from our captures. If we just had a moral upbringing, we would all have underpaying but respectable jobs and we would be lovable enough to become someone’s wife and blend in to society. Even though my business is different than another escort’s business, what we share is the stigma, safety and legal ramifications from our work. The more of us that start speaking out, the more “civilians” will see us as their mothers, sisters, brothers and wives who deserve safety, legal protections just like in any other profession. 

RICK: Have you ever been hassled, legally speaking? Whether it's like through taxes or people in law enforcement, or anything like that? Does that worry you ever? 


No, never hassled, knock wood. I pay my fair share of taxes and I don't do anything but sell my time, I don't make guarantees of anything else. I'm more at a legal risk in my work as a somatic sex educator as we touch genitals with our students (wearing gloves), so that's a gray area. 

RICK: Do any regulars who stop seeing you abruptly ever, like, try to contact you later with an explanation why? 


There was one man who wrote to me telling me couldn't see me anymore as his wife read his emails and caught him cheating. I told him I knew many wonderful marriage councilors, but I knew it wasn't a one-time cheating issue for him. 

RICK: How private do you keep this side of your life away from other friends/family? I guess, do you take precautions to make sure you don't accidentally run into someone while you're out on a date? Have you?


My friends know I do escort work, my family knows I do hands-on sex education. If one of my friends or an acquaintance saw me with a client in public and came up to me to chat, I may introduce them just like you would introduce anyone in a social situation. I think acting weird in public is more likely to cause suspicion. I was once introduced as a work colleague to my client's social circle at a restaurant, it was fine. 

RICK: Also, how did you end up figuring out the price scheme that you have? Was it trial and error to see how much you could charge? Or did you ask clients? Or did you see what other people were charging? 


I knew right away I wasn't a wham-bam girl, and there's nothing wrong with having that business model or desiring that experience. McDonald's is cheap, fast and the franchisers make way more money than a chef who wants to teach people the art of slow organic cooking, right? I see myself as the chef who cares about my craft and I give enough time for each date experience so we both can relax. I've chosen to see a handful of clients and my rates and time structure reflect this;  First dates start at two hours so we can leisurely get to know one another over drinks or dinner and let intimacy build naturally. 

RICK: And finally, if you don't mind, I was wondering how much approximately you make a year off of this? I won't even quote you on this if you don't want, but just use it more for background information. If that doesn't make sense, I can try to explain more clearly. (I'm a coffee away from coherence this morning.)


I like to put it into real estate terms: According to the guidelines to be considered a low-to-moderate area median income (AMI) person to qualified to purchase a below market rate (BMR) condo in San Francisco, I'm around that income mark. So after paying my expenses (about $8K on advertising, $15k on travel a year) and self-employment tax, I'm considered a poor person to live in San Francisco but middle class for the rest of the US. That always surprises my friends who think I'm wealthy from doing this work. I know I could make much more money if I did one-hour sessions and lowered my fees, which would mean more clients and more sessions. I decided early on I wanted to like my clients and not feel burned out quickly, so I keep my prices higher and my sessions longer. I also work in another career, so I like having the freedom to do other things with my time.


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