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 a couples threesome unicorn, hire an escort for a threesome,  somatic sex educator who also loves to entertain fetish, roleplay, couples threesome unicorn fantasies. She is a busty, petite, brunette bookish sex geek with a wicked sense of humor, goddess of pleasure and commander of foot worship in her red stilettos, cute as a button and even comes equipped with a some fancy east coast art college degrees, knows how to get her groove on and get fun-kay on the dance floor. Ms de Vive is available for travel to San Francisco, Portland, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, NYC. Boston, DC, as well as internationally to London, Dubai, Sydney, Seville, Tokyo, Hong Kong.

Joy to The Word

Mar 30 2015 $ex and Taxe$Category: Diary of a San Francisco Courtesan     06:33PM   1

“Being an escort isn’t a real job," one of my clients said to me whom I had met in the first few months of doing escort work last year. Instead of having hobbies like playing golf, playing video games or chess, his hobby was playing with with escorts. It was then I began to understand the industry term “hobbyist," referring to a man that frequently commissioned sex workers. He didn’t have a typical type of woman; he appreciated thin and voluptuous, ages ranging from 20s to early 50s and a variety of personalities. Like a gourmand sampling ice cream flavors or new restaurants, he was never quite satiated. We had good sexual chemistry, and he was very generous to me and the other ladies he saw. One night we were laughing over dinner after spending the last 4 hours together making each other’s heads spin at a hotel we often frequented in the Berkeley Hills. He asked if he could “break a boundary” and asked me a personal question. “So, it’s not like you really work. I mean, we’re having fun here and it’s not like you pay taxes or you’re being held accountable to any standards.”

My mind went into defense mode and I wanted to drag him by his Louis Vuitton tie and show him my P&L statement with all the hours I’ve put into marketing, writing ad copy, answering emails (even this blog is part of my work in marketing and activism). Last year, a high-end escort got a lot of press after she put together a graph showing how she spent every minute of her day. From entertaining clients to commuting, traveling, marketing, even working out at the gym (which counts as upkeep and marketing in our field.) We aren’t just filing our nails waiting for the phone to ring, there’s actually a lot of work and expenses in being a sex worker. You would think getting together one’s expenses from being in my first official year as a full-time escort would be easy. “You pay taxes as an escort?” a client asked. 
Yup. Just like I’ve pay taxes for the last 14 years as a self-employed artist in my vanilla work, I’ve paid capital gains on my stocks and rental income from real estate investments. This year, I’m going to have to ask my accountant if buying high-end lingerie is an expense or if I can take it as a depreciation. I think it makes more financial sense to buy lingerie as a rental, like you rent a tux for your cousin’s wedding. It’s uncomfortable, barely worn and it doesn’t stay on for long. 

What have I learned in the last year as Joy, CEO, Your Personal Pleasure Consultant™?
On the business end, it’s similar to what I do in my other freelance work. I still get butterflies in my stomach every time I have a new meeting or creative project, which is also what makes freelancing always exciting to me. What mentally drains me is being my own HR department. Most of my clients are wonderful, but I fear getting someone who’s crazy and awful. I crunched my numbers this year and it turns out I end up seeing only 6% of people who inquire. Six percent?!  Much of my time is working in the customer service department to filter out the other 94%. I love my job because I love my clients, and I love my clientele as I make the time to screen my inquiries throughly and I’m choosy, but I’ve paid a price economically. I could have made a lot more money by offering hourly appointments (a lower price point) and seeing a lot more clients that could turn into more repeats. But why would I want more repeat business from clients I don’t really like? And why would they want to see me if I don’t like them? (I’m not good at faking intimacy.)

“Do you make a lot of money as a high-end escort?” I’m not printing the magic number of what I netted this year, but here ’s a hint: I’m considered “middle to low income” if I were to apply for home buying assistance in San Francisco, which is under $90k a year for a single person. Yes, you need six figures to just breathe the air in this economically insane city.  You may not have a clue of what many people in the erotic service industry pay in expenses to keep their business afloat. I’ll share some of my expenses I had to shell out in order to find my 6% of the pie.

A month on ErosGuide in San Francisco as a VIP is around $375 and it’s pricier in New York where the competition is higher. Since it’s a competitive market, advertisers are encouraged to buy flashy upgrades to make their ads stand out. If an escort is traveling, s/he may pay an additional $100-$200 per week for that city. Advertising on Slixa was $350 a month with a banner ad in San Francisco last year. In addition to being a helpful service for client and companion verification, P411 also makes a lot money selling ads. There was a long waiting list to get in the top 10 San Francisco directory and drop $350 a month. There are many other local advertising directories that range from $50-$300 a month. 

Office help/bookers
I choose to answer my own emails and do my own advertising and copy, but I can see the appeal in hiring an assistant to keep one’s sanity (see my pie chart for evidence.) There’s a woman in New York that's been recommended to me by many in the industry, and her fees range from $700-$1500 a month depending on if she’s just answering your inquiries or doing big-picture marketing.

Office Software:
There’s a few monthly membership encryption security platforms to keep files and emails secure, and many have a blacklist database as part of the package. They range $50-$150 month.

I know an escort who mostly travels nationally, spends about $2k a month on advertising in a few cities as well as paying for her own airfare, hotel and out-of-pocket expenses like clothing and beauty (generally a lady’s upkeep is a little more high-maintence than just shampooing hair and brushing teeth.) She also has a separate in-call studio apartment in one city ($1700 a month.) So add $3000 in monthly travel and $1000 for out-of-pocket expenses, and you’re looking at $7-$8k monthly in the red from business expenses. So I say to my client: Yes, being an escort is just any other entrepreneurial job and it can be lucrative for some. However, we don’t get seed money from investors. We pay out of pocket for our health insurance, dental work and we don’t have vacation or sick days.  To bastardize the phrase from Benjamin Franklin, “There is nothing can be said in this world that can be held certain, except sex and taxes.” Society may shame us, the government may arrest us, but the tax man just wants his cut. 
IRS: look for out for my check in the mail next week. We all need to pay our fair share to the pimp or they’ll be penalties, spankings and scarlet letters to wear. 

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